Calvin at Camp: The Collect Call of Cthulu
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: Upon learing of Moe's fear of squids, Calvin dresses up as a monster from Ed's new comic book for some welldeserved payback. And of course things go horribly wrong.


Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes; Ed, Edd n' Eddy; Foxtrot; The Peanuts; or the Cthulu Mythos.

* * *

Jimmy was happily prancing about camp singing his trademark "La la la la la la! La la la la! La la la la la la la la la la!" while going past various members of the camp. "Good day Kevin! Salutations Lucy! Hello Jason! Greetings Marcus!" said Jimmy to the respective people. Upon this he ran into the giant hulking form known as Moe.

"Why g-good day Moe." He nervously stammered. "I-Isn't it just w-wonderful today… DON'T KILL ME!" Moe grabbed the boy by his retainer. "Relax Twinky; I'm in a good mood so maybe I'll go easy on ya!" Moe said. The bully then raised his fist to hit unfortunate Jimmy when all of a sudden Moe shrieked and ran away screaming. Dropping Jimmy in the process.

Jimmy then noticed Ed standing where Moe had been seconds earlier. In his hand was a comic book with a picture of what appeared to be some cross between a squid, a dragon, and a mountain rampaging through a city. "Why did Moe run away? I just wanted to show him my new "Revenge of Cthulu (and accessories) Part 7: The Attack from the City that's Name is Really Hard to Pronounce!" comic book." Asked a dismayed Ed. "Gosh, maybe he was afraid of the scary picture on the front? I am." Jimmy shivered in fear as he said this. "Or maybe that wasn't Moe at all, but an evil mutant seamstress from beyond, come to mine precious lint from our bellybuttons!" Upon Ed's suggestion Jimmy began screaming in horror. Little did either of them know Calvin and Hobbes had watched the whole thing a few feet away.

"It's about time we were in this story! Insane Guy of DOOM finally ditches script format and we have to wait until the second paragraph to even get a mention." Hobbes complained, breaking the fourth wall. "Who cares? Did you see what happened to Moe when he saw Ed's comic? He must be afraid of Cthputluluahcoo!" exclaimed Calvin an idea already forming in his head. "It's Cthulu." Remarked the tiger. "Details, details, Hobbes we've finally found Moe's weakness! I think its due time we gave him some revenge." Calvin said. He began rubbing his hands together in anticipation while Hobbes shook his head know that this would in horribly.

Meanwhile in the main room Ed sat against the wall reading his new comic, eyes glazed over and completely absorbed in it. Ed began to silently read the book out loud. "It is said that when Cthulu rises from the city whose name is really hard to pronounce, there will signs to warn mortals of the impending doom. First a book will open a gateway to a video game world several months before his arrival, then a child with spiky hair and a tiger will try to become famous by stopping villains…" Ed becoming more horrified as spoke, "The last sign is when a bully runs screaming at this comic book, and at 12 o' clock Cthulu will rise and attack that day camp!" "Eddy! What time is it?" From across the room Eddy yelled back "Eleven-thirty!"

* * *

Within the locker room something was happening. Mysterious mechanical devises had been implanted everywhere along with computers and life support systems. The main focus of attention appeared to be a bathroom stall with a bizarre sort of mechanical lock on it. The lock turned and slid into the slot it was on top of in a dramatic fashion. The door opened where inside stood Calvin in nothing but some smaller versions of inmate pants, Hobbes was nowhere to be found. The spiky haired one stepped out and went onto a platform in the center of the room. One of the near by computers flashed to life and picture of Calvin's skeleton with some statistics and life signs appeared on the screen. In particular it read "Project Status: Cryogenic" but as Calvin stepped on the platform his feet sank into special boot looking thingies and the computer read out changed to "Project Status: Active"

Robotic arms began to come out of various nodes in the locker room. Two lifted up Calvin's arms while others added various pieces of armor to him, fusing it together, ECT, as music appropriate to the atmosphere played in the background. A robotic had that ended in tendril like fingers was placed over Calvin's own and he flexed the new hand testing it. Finally the suit was all but complete the head piece began to be lowered down upon his head. Right before it was placed on Calvin said in the most serious tone he had "Well, it's about time." The head piece, which looked like an octopus was attached and quickly fused, completing the strange outfit. Calvin stepped off the platform to survey his surroundings.

From there Hobbes burst out of nowhere "Okay, why did we have that pointless StarCraft II parody?" he asked, completely ruining the atmosphere. Jason and Marcus appeared from a locker with remote controls in their hands as they had controlled the whole thing. "Because it was cool." muttered Calvin, his voice muffled by the suit. If you haven't guessed he was now dressed as Cthulu. Jason and Marcus nodded in agreement. "Okay, time to scare Moe!"

Moe sat on the grass outside of the camp, still horrified and whispering to his self "It's okay Moe, its okay. It's just a stupid book, not _it_…"

Flashback:

It was Moe's first day at camp. He was happily looking forward to beating the pulp out of everyone. He then noticed Rolf surrounded by kids and ran forward to see what was going on. "Ho-ho fellow children! Now is a time for praise as the son of a shepherd has finally become old enough to wear The Hat of the Great Squid, passed down through Rolf's family for generations!" He motioned to the hat which was a live squid sitting on his head. "This is a great honor for Rolf as now he is old enough to begin to have the skin of his back removed and replaced the back skin of Rolf's Great Nano, also passed down for generations." Upon hearing this many of the kids turned green and looked as if they were going to throw up.

Moe noticed that his favorite victim, Calvin was preparing to beam Suzie with a water balloon. He snuck up upon Calvin and gave him gigantic wedgie. "Ahh!" Calvin screamed and accidentally threw the balloon at Rolf instead. The balloon hit Rolf and his squid-hat flew off and landed on Moe's head. "Get it off! AHHH! It's eating my face!" The bully ran around trying to pull the squid off but the horrified animal had a grip of steel. Meanwhile Rolf was crying "No! Rolf has disgraced his ancestors! Now the son of a shepherd shall face eternal torment at the hands of Yeshmiyek! Rolf is doomed!"

End Flashback

As Moe sat terrified reminiscing he failed to notice Calvin sneak up on him. "Boogah boogah boogah!" he yelled. Moe turned around and screamed like a little girl. "Don't eat me!" he pleaded, Calvin continued on. "I am the great Cthupulutootoobu! And I have come to eat your brains!" "Please Mr. Cthubooboo, don't! I'll do anything you want!" "Anything?"

* * *

Time had been ticking away. It was now only 2 minutes to twelve, Ed continued to read his comic in search of a way to defeat the coming monster. "Cthulu is a being of great power, not even Evil Tim could defeat him in combat! To destroy Cthulu would require an angry mob of children." He read to himself. The clock in the main room struck twelve and Ed screamed "He has awakened! Hide your children! Protect your lasagna! Don't forget to turn off your waffle irons!" He ran about crashing into walls and destroyed the T.V. Then Ed burst through the wall and found himself outside, seeing Calvin making Moe do push-ups with the Kanker sisters on his back.

Of course Calvin was still dressed as Cthulu only confirming Ed's fears. He climbed to the top of the camp and yelled to all the kids who were doing various things. "Fellows! The dark one comes devour our soles! No shoe will be left!" Everyone gasped "And after that he will devour the souls of us!" The kids began screaming and running around in general chaos. Double D took charge trying to calm everyone down. "Everyone! There is no need to panic. I'm sure what ever Ed saw has no intention of harming us, or our shoes." Lucy retorted "How do you know Sock Head? For all we know he could be working for Cupof'joeulu!" "Yeah, Lucy's right lets get him!" An angry mob formed around Edd and the kids began to close in on him. "NO! Double D is innocent! We must unite and defeat Cthulu! Who is over there!" Ed yelled to the kids while pointing at Calvin. "Good grief." Do I really need to say who said that?

The kids from nowhere pulled out torches and pitchforks and closed in on Calvin. "Guys, it's me Calvin. This is just a costume see." Calvin tried to pull the head off but found that he couldn't. "Uh-oh". The creature (otherwise know as Calvin) then took off running. Ed jumped down from the building and crashed headfirst into the dirt in front of the mob, leaving a giant Ed-shaped crater. "He's eaten Calvin! GET CTHULU!" Ed yelled. Calvin and the kids then began a Scooby-Doo style chase seen with funny music and everything.

Eventually Calvin slipped into the locker room, loosing the kids. Jason and Marcus were in there as well. "The suit won't come off! What's wrong?" Calvin asked. "Nothing's wrong." Replied Jason. "You asked for a Cthulu costume, not a _removable_ Cthulu costume." "Yeah, you should be more specific." Marcus added. Calvin groaned in anger and snatched Quincy off Marcus's shoulder. "Get this suit off me or the lizard gets it!" Calvin demanded. "Don't get Quincy involved in this." Jason said. "Well, we could get if off with my Dad's power tools, but I'm not allowed to use them after what happened last time." Marcus added again. Just then the door burst open, Kevin was using Ed as a battering ram.

"Prepare to be sent back to your nightmare realm creature of the Nether World!" Ed bellowed. Calvin, Jason and Marcus backed up against the wall as the kids decided what to do with them. "I say we tear 'em into little pieces!" Suggested Moe. "Rolf wishes to capture the creature and upon its flesh Rolf's family will feast for weeks!" "I think we should leave him alone and he'll leave us alone." Said Linus. "Yeah! Monsters have feeling too!" Jonny said, agreeing with Linus. "No! If we let the Cthulu and his accessories live then will devour us!" Ed explained. "Its time to meet your maker Cupoopoo." Kevin menacingly said as he drew a bat.

It seemed like this was the end of Calvin, Jason and Marcus. "Good buy world!" Cried Jason. Marcus then said to him "Jason, I just want you to know before we're torn apart in the mob that, I used your toothbrush to scrub my feet! I'm sorry." "It's okay… YOU DID WHAT WITH MY TOOTHBRUSH!" Just as the kids were about to tear them to pieces Hobbes jumped out of nowhere wielding Marcus's Dad's power tools and use them to saw open a hole in the Cthulu suit. To the kids it just looked like a stuff animal tied to a chainsaw fell out of the sky and hit Cthulu.

The suit fell over and Calvin tumbled out. "Thanks Hobbes. Another minute and I would've been a goner." Calvin told the stuffed tiger. "Calvin has been saved and Cthulu has been defeated!" Ed proudly announced and the kids cheered. Moe then walked up to the spiky haired boy and grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Guess what Twinky. Thanks to Cututu I'm over my fear of squids now." Calvin gulped.

* * *

The story "The Collect Call of Cthulu" has a long history. First it was going to be a Danny Phantom story with a completely different plot, then a Billy and Mandy one with another completely different plot. Finally I thought of how this could be a Calvin at Camp story and it came out much better then my previous ideas. 


End file.
